Working For You Isn’t Working For Me – The Ultimate Guide to Managing Your Boss

BOSS BAGGAGE

Everyone comes to the boss/employee relationship with a certain amount of baggage. Baggage isn’t all good and it isn’t all bad. It’s the historical, habitual way we relate to, have expectations of, and harbor fears about someone who can make decisions that affect us. Wherever we go, we carry our Boss Baggage with us.

You started packing your Boss Baggage many years ago during your formative years as a child. At that time, “the boss” consisted of your parents, your teachers, grandparents, babysitters, clergymen and clergywomen, and anyone else who served as an authority figure in your life.

Through those relationships, you learned certain ways of behaving and you probably adopted certain ideas about yourself. If, for example, you were a quiet child who was rewarded for needing little attention, you may have decided that you get the best results when you stay out of the way and accomplish things on your own. Today, you may relate to any new authority by maintaining a low profile and performing your job with minimal fanfare.

If, on the other hand, you were a gregarious child who served as mother’s little helper, you may have decided that your greatest value is as a happy nurturer. When you have a new boss, you automatically introduce yourself and begin tending to that person’s basic needs—you bring food, water the plants, and offer to help out when any problem arises.

Or maybe you were raised in a large, boisterous family where you fought to be heard. In that case, you may believe that the first person to speak up in any situation wins. You may then approach all people in positions of authority with an urgent need to voice your opinion.

Just as the luggage you wheel to the airport contains miscellaneous objects packed together, likewise your Boss Baggage holds many commingled emotions and attitudes. Boss Baggage can include the hope of being appreciated and the fear of being devalued. It can contain a friendly initial attitude toward someone in power, as well as a healthy skepticism toward that person’s initiatives. Boss Baggage may consist of a wish to be led and inspired, coupled with a desire to be left alone.

The mix of emotions, thoughts, and motives that get stirred up in each of us when dealing with people in positions of authority is complex. It’s also extremely valuable to uncover. Why? Because although it’s natural (and convenient) to blame the boss when we don’t feel supported or acknowledged at work, it’s more helpful to address the situation by starting with you. Regaining a sense of power and control in the boss/employee relationship begins with knowing and managing your reaction first.

Don’t worry. We aren’t saying that your boss isn’t culpable. You wouldn’t be reading this book if you weren’t dealing with an authority figure whose behavior is problematic. You may be grappling with someone who is unreasonable, unavailable, unfair, unkind, unreliable, undermining, or emotionally unstable. Still, no matter how deplorable your boss’s conduct may be, your greatest point of power comes from identifying and deactivating the negative feelings, thoughts, or actions that his or her misbehavior triggers in you.

Consider this scenario:

Teresa is the newly assigned director of a local Health and Human Services Center for Disease Control and Prevention. Her assistant, Phillip, has worked at the CDCP for ten years. Teresa is his second boss. When Phillip and Teresa start working together, he’s impressed with her confident air and can-do attitude. Problems arise as he tries to help her devise the department’s annual budget.

With his previous boss, Phillip played an important role in estimating the costs of running the department and offering adjustments. With Teresa, however, every suggestion he makes is challenged. Teresa responds to his ideas and calculations by saying, “That can’t be right.” She then insists that each member of the department provide her with his or her financial estimates from previous budgets so that she can develop her own plan. Phillip is angry and frustrated with his new boss. He feels dismissed and disrespected. When Teresa gives him the final budget to send out, he sees that practically every figure on her proposed budget is identical to the estimates that he’d suggested. This makes Phillip furious. “I’m working for someone who doesn’t respect my input and won’t listen to my suggestions.” Stung, he complains, “Why does she even need my assistance?”

We could argue that Phillip’s current boss is dismissive and inconsiderate of her experienced assistant’s knowledge. We could approach Teresa and try to explain that Phillip produces great work when given responsibility. But any new boss has the right to delegate work carefully and to question the established ways of doing things. Teresa may need time to assess Phillip’s strengths and weaknesses so that she can trust his input.

If Phillip wants a better relationship with his new boss, he has to refrain from assuming that her resistance to his suggestions is an indictment of his character. If he can take Teresa’s behavior less personally, Phillip can set about discovering how his new boss differs from the previous one, what her management style looks like, and what kind of help she actually needs from him.

Knowing your own Boss Baggage gives you immediate options when dealing with someone in a position of authority. If interactions with a boss turn sour, you can quickly determine how you may be adding to the problem.

You want to be able to answer these questions:

By expectations, we mean assumptions you have about what you will experience or receive from the boss. For example, you may expect your manager to treat you with respect. Or, you may expect your employer to explain what he or she wants from you. Many employees expect their bosses to give them feedback. Once you realize that a certain expectation is not going to be met, you can adjust it.

Needs, on the other hand, are personal requirements or strong wants. In order to be productive, you may need clear direction. If you happen to be shy or withdrawn, you may need a boss who can speak up on your behalf and defend you. Needs differ from expectations because they aren’t adjustable or flexible. For you to thrive at work, your needs must be met. So, if your boss isn’t able to give you clear direction, you may still need to find ways to receive clear instructions from someone else.

Fears are those phantom thoughts and feelings that arise when our emotional safety is threatened. Fears are very different from needs and expectations because they can be triggered without your even realizing it. For example, if your boss walks in with a frown on his face, you may fear that you’ve done something wrong—even if he or she hasn’t said anything to indicate displeasure with you. We all have fears that lie dormant inside of us. If you can determine which fears are triggered by the boss, you can defuse them.

If you can decipher those things, then you can adjust your expectations, assuage your fears, and find ways to get support from someone other than the boss. In other words, you can figure out how to neutralize your part in the negative equation.

Returning to Phillip, he may expect his boss to trust his experience and go along with the established way of doing things; he may need to feel valued and respected by his boss; and he may fear not being needed by his employer.

If Phillip understands these things about himself, then he has a choice. The next time Teresa challenges his suggestions, rather than collapsing into his fear of being dismissed or devalued, Phillip can adjust his approach. As Teresa rebuffs his ideas, Phillip can pause, manage his internal reactions, and ask, “How would you like me to help in this situation?”

As Phillip gets a grip on his own Boss Baggage, he is able to work with his doubting director from a less emotional place. He can see real options for managing the relationship. Understanding your Boss Baggage takes you out of acting automatically from a fear-based position and into discovering a reality-based approach to handling your boss.

ASSESSING YOUR BOSS BAGGAGE

Are you ready to examine what’s in your Boss Baggage? To help you depersonalize, we’ve devised a Boss Baggage Assessment. Based on your responses to our questions, you can develop your Boss Baggage Profile. These are powerful tools. We’ve found that most people grappling with a difficult boss/employee situation are unaware of their internal reactions.

They know they’re unhappy, but they don’t know what’s being triggered in them. We promise that once you identify your unmet needs and expectations, and once you uncover your fears, you’ll immediately begin to feel relief. Knowledge is power. Knowing your Boss Baggage will allow you to reclaim control. By understanding what you aren’t getting from your boss, you can take back the power that you bestowed upon this person and find other ways to have your needs and expectations fulfilled. You can also learn how to manage your fears so that they do not plague you at work. For instance, if you take the assessment and discover that you are a Star, you’ll know that one of your primary needs at work is to shine. You’ll understand why you’re unhappy with a boss who keeps giving you lackluster projects where your contributions are not visible. You can take back control by joining an organization outside your boss’s purview that allows you to excel and be seen as a stellar member.

If you determine that you are a Harmonizer and you work for a hypercritical, angry boss, you’ll grasp why your need to have amicable relationships at work can never be realized with this person. You can then take your bullying boss’s angry outbursts less personally and find the cooperation and appreciation you need elsewhere.

Get Ready...

We’ve identified ten basic Boss Baggage Profiles, in five categories. Each of these basic profiles describes a specific orientation toward authority— and each contains a set of behaviors, needs, fears, and expectations that emerge in the presence of authority figures. The ten profiles are:

As you read each description and answer the questions, you may find that you possess a few characteristics of each profile. That is normal. Chances are, however, that there’s one profile that fits you better than the rest, and two or three others that have a familiar feel. Rather than try to match yourself, in all your complexity, to one profile, we suggest that you read every profile, answer the questions, and rank your top three. Following the basic profiles, the Boss Baggage Assessment continues with a checklist that will help you arrive at your Boss Baggage Profile.

Get Set...

You may still have reservations about taking this assessment. We know. The problem is the boss, not you. Where is the solution? Just give our Boss Baggage Assessment a try. We promise that the insight you’ll gain will help you manage any boss/employee situation. Grab a pencil. Keep notes. We’ll refer to the profiles as we tackle specific boss/employee quandaries in the next chapters and learn to Depersonalize and, finally, Deal with these situations.

Go...

Here’s how to determine your Boss Baggage Profile:

Read the description of each profile below. Then simply answer the questions that follow each description with a yes or no. Tally the number of yes responses you have at the bottom of each profile. When you’ve gone through all of the profiles, see which ones you scored highest on. Rank your top three orientations. You will then compile a list of your top fears, needs, and expectations, based on the fears, needs, and expectations associated with your top matches.

Remember: be honest in your answers. Keep in mind that one profile is not better or worse than another. The point is to get to know your baggage, not to trade it in for a better set. You need to understand your basic orientation to authority as part of the Depersonalize step of the Four D’s process.

Important note: Don’t be alarmed if you have tying scores. For example, you may have the same score for Evader and Disarmer. If that’s the case, just put both profiles on the same line.

CATEGORY I: THE CAREGIVERS

These are the employees who feel emotionally responsible for making the boss and others feel good at work.

The Nurturer

Nurturers are the unpaid social workers at work. They send congratulatory e-mails, bring food to staff meetings, and give cards to coworkers for holidays, birthdays, and special events. These are the people who embody care and concern for others. Nurturers naturally tune in to their boss’s physical and emotional needs.

A nurturing employee will quickly uncover the boss’s favorite foods, family constellation, and health concerns. While Nurturers are diligent workers, these individuals always have time to talk—especially if someone needs their emotional support. They gladly provide a shoulder to cry on and a tissue to wipe away the tears.

When it comes to workload, Nurturers like to be needed. They are always willing to pitch in and help out. Nurturers aren’t afraid of getting their hands dirty. They like to support causes and help out in any way they can.

SOUND FAMILIAR? RESPOND TO THESE QUESTIONS TO SEE IF YOU ARE A NURTURER

When you first meet a new boss, do you bring that person a plant, a coffee mug, or some other item to make him or her feel welcome?
Yes ___ No ___

Do you make sure the office is ready—clean and organized—for his or her arrival?
Yes ___ No ___

Do you make it your business to find out how your boss takes his or her coffee and what his or her favorite foods/drinks are?
Yes ___ No ___

Do you know the personal stories—marital status, medical conditions, financial woes—of everyone at your job?
Yes ___ No ___

Do your coworkers come to you for tissues, candy, or a quick cry?
Yes ___ No ___

Do you frequently volunteer to help out when others are drowning?
Yes ___ No ___

Do you keep the office birthday list on your computer?
Yes ___ No ___

Do you have a hard time telling your boss when you are overwhelmed with work?
Yes ___ No ___

If you are excluded from an important meeting, project, or initiative, do you worry that you aren’t needed?
Yes ___ No ___

If you accidentally forget your boss’s birthday, do you scold yourself for being cold and uncaring?
Yes ___ No ___

Total Nurturer “Yes” questions __________

The Harmonizer

Friendly, warm, and caring, these are the people who discriminate the least and generally don’t judge books (or people) by their covers. Harmonizers pride themselves on figuring out how to get along with anyone. They aim to be model team players.

Harmonizers need to be liked and go to great pains to find out who their boss is and what makes him or her tick. They gladly take on responsibilities that will relieve the boss or reduce stress for the staff. These are the people who naturally tune in to the boss’s moods and pressures. They aim to alleviate tension and offer support.

Harmonizers fear encroaching on someone else’s territory or ruffling anyone’s feathers. They package and deliver information in a way that they think will create minimal emotional distress. They look for common goals and they strive for cooperation. They often serve as unofficial mediators at staff meetings.

ARE YOU A HARMONIZER? ANSWER THE FOLLOWING QUESTIONS TO FIND OUT.

If you have a new boss, do you naturally greet him or her with a warm welcome?
Yes ___ No ___

Do you ask your boss questions to show that you care about his or her wellbeing?
Yes ___ No ___

Do you secretly hope that your boss feels comfortable and at ease in your company?
Yes ___ No ___

Do you gladly take on responsibility as long as it doesn’t infringe on someone else’s territory at work?
Yes ___ No ___

Do you pride yourself on being a team player?
Yes ___ No ___

Do you find it easy to have conversations with just about anybody?
Yes ___ No ___

Do you sometimes tell white lies to bring people together?
Yes ____ No ____

Do you have a hard time asking your boss for raises and promotions?
Yes ___ No ___

If you need to have a difficult conversation with your boss, do you carefully prepare what you’re going to say?
Yes ___ No ___

Does the thought of making a mistake or causing a problem fill you with dread?
Yes ___ No ___

Total Harmonizer “Yes” responses__________

CATEGORY 2: THE EXTROVERTS

These employees expect to be seen, heard, and respected at work.

The Star

Warm and engaging, Stars have a knack for connecting with people easily and quickly. They are natural people persons. Most Stars possess a good sense of humor. They are generous with their ideas and their knowledge.

Stars like to be visible, so they take on responsibilities where they are sure to be seen. (Stars do not hide out in the back room shredding documents.) They strive to grow professionally, and work hard to make their mark in the company.

Stars value constructive criticism. They also welcome opportunities for training and advancement. Ideally, they want to be trailblazers in their field.

Stars also enjoy lighting the trail for others. They don’t mind working hard as long as they are recognized as important members of the team. They want ownership. Give them the job, and they will do it.

RESPOND TO THE FOLLOWING QUESTIONS TO ASSESS YOUR STAR QUALITIES

If you have a new boss, do you naturally seek that person out before everyone else and introduce yourself?
Yes ___ No ___

Do you feel an urgent need to convey your importance to him or her?
Yes ___ No ___

Do you secretly hope that someone has already told your boss how terrific you are?
Yes ___ No ___

Do you like tackling big projects where you are seen as the leader and trailblazer?
Yes ___ No ___

Do you welcome opportunities to speak publicly or present information to large groups of people?
Yes ___ No ___

Are you at ease with communicating your ideas to others, including people in positions of authority?
Yes ___ No ___

If your boss takes responsibility away from you, do you feel deflated and held back?
Yes ___ No ___

If your boss doesn’t publicly acknowledge you or give you credit for your work, do you become unmotivated and resentful?
Yes ___ No ___

If you work for someone who repeatedly overrides your decisions, do you get furious and start looking for a new job?
Yes ___ No ___

If you’re excluded from an important meeting, project, or initiative, do you think that it must be a mistake and insert yourself anyway?
Yes ___ No ___

Total Star “Yes” responses. ________

The Challenger

The slogan for Challengers is “Question authority.” These innovative thinkers have a hard time trusting anyone who wields power over them. Their bosses must prove themselves worthy of respect.

Challengers want to be recognized for their fresh ideas and astute approach to tackling problems. They possess a competitive spirit and like to win. These are the employees who are willing to question the status quo. They make the uncomfortable-but-true statements at a staff meeting. Challengers can follow instructions, but only if they agree with the plan.

Challengers feel that they have to speak up, because if they don’t, no one else will. They have an instinctive concern for fairness and will often champion causes for the disenfranchised or downtrodden. They are willing to tackle tough assignments as long as their efforts are recognized and their ideas respected.

RESPOND TO THESE QUESTIONS TO FIND YOUR CHALLENGER QUOTIENT

If you have a new boss, are you eager to introduce yourself and impress that person with your knowledge?
Yes ___ No ___

Do you get a kick out of saying something slightly provocative to people in positions of authority?
Yes ___ No ___

Do you secretly hope that your boss recognizes your ideas as more insightful and innovative than anyone else’s?
Yes ___ No ___

Do you like to take on responsibility as long as you can do things your way?
Yes ___ No ___

Are you the one who others count on to challenge the status quo at a staff meeting?
Yes ___ No ___

Do you feel it’s up to you to state the uncomfortable truth?
Yes ___ No ___

Are you a natural advocate for people who are underrepresented or downtrodden?
Yes ___ No ___

Are you frequently called into your boss’s office and reprimanded for a lack of diplomacy?
Yes ___ No ___

Do you see yourself as someone who will always fight for what you believe in?
Yes ___ No ___

If your boss ignores or minimizes your input, do you find ways to speak up louder?
Yes ___ No ___

Total Challenger “Yes” responses. __________

CATEGORY 3: THE INTROVERTS

These employees don’t seek high visibility and prefer minimal fanfare.

They wish to be given a job and the freedom to execute it. Once finished, they’ll welcome the boss’s appreciation.

The Observer

Deep, quiet thinkers who watch to see who you are, these are the cool cats f the workplace. Observers are naturally skeptical of authority. You have to prove that you are worth their time and effort. This can be disconcerting to a boss.

Observers are excellent workers who need to take the situation in before they can take action. Once an authority figure wins their respect, Observers work diligently for that person. These are the employees who don’t speak unless they have something to say. When they do speak, they expect you to listen.

Observers don’t naturally lead meetings or discussions. They sit back and watch. These employees are more introverted by nature. They want to understand the people around them before revealing anything about themselves.

Observers are process-oriented. They need time to synthesize anything new, whether it’s ideas, information, or people. They don’t like surprises, and hey don’t like being pressured to do something before they are ready. They need time to prepare for meetings or presentations where they are expected to speak. The Observer’s motto: “Never let them see you sweat.”

RESPOND TO THE FOLLOWING QUESTIONS TO FIND OUT HOW MUCH OF AN OBSERVER YOU ARE

If you have a new boss, do you hang back and study his or her behavior?
Yes ___ No ___

Do you need to wait and see if you respect your boss before you can work hard on his or her behalf?
Yes ___ No ___

Do you secretly hope that the boss will grant you enough independence to accomplish your work without interference?
Yes ___ No ___

Are you someone who speaks up in large groups only when you have something to say?
Yes ___ No ___

Do you quietly lead your boss to give you more responsibility in the areas that are interesting to you?
Yes ___ No ___

Do you want your expertise to be rewarded without having your work style scrutinized?
Yes ___ No ___

Before speaking in public or running a meeting, do you need ample time to prepare your thoughts?
Yes ___ No ___

When given a new assignment, do you fear that you cannot deliver results fast enough for your boss?
Yes ___ No ___

Does a demanding boss trigger feelings of panic in you?
Yes ___ No ___

Do you fear being caught off guard or unprepared by your boss?
Yes ___ No ___

Total Observer “Yes” responses.__________ The Worker Bee

Smart, capable, diligent, these are the backstage workers who want to do their jobs, achieve positive results, and avoid all interpersonal conflict. Worker Bees like to take on big projects and dive into them. They are often the quiet experts in the workplace.

Unlike Stars, who need to be visible, Worker Bees prefer a quiet round of applause for their efforts. They want their work to speak for itself. These employees generally prefer to be left alone. Ideally, Worker Bees like to be given assignments and trusted to complete the work on their own.

These individuals are good listeners, but poor communicators when it comes to speaking up on their own behalf. Interestingly, many Worker Bees gladly engage in conversations about their hobbies and interests. They like sharing information on topics that they value.

Difficulties arise for Worker Bees in the realm of interpersonal differences. They don’t know how to effectively express contrary opinions and they don’t know how to deal with conflict of any kind. Emotional outbursts scare them.

COULD YOU BE A WORKER BEE? RESPOND TO THE FOLLOWING QUESTIONS.

If you have a new boss, do you naturally hang back, waiting for that person to approach you?
Yes ___ No ___

When meeting with this person, do you bring samples of your work, hoping it will speak for you?
Yes ___ No ___

Do you wish that your boss would give you interesting assignments and then leave you alone to complete them?
Yes ___ No ___

Do you like to be acknowledged for a job well done, even though you may feel embarrassed by the attention?
Yes ___ No ___

Do you avoid collaborating with others?
Yes ___ No ___

Do you steer clear of situations where you’d have to speak publicly or give a presentation to a large group of people?
Yes ___ No ___

Do you find it challenging to communicate effectively when you disagree with others?
Yes ___ No ___

When you need to ask for something from your boss (such as a raise or time off), do you get nervous and avoid doing it?
Yes ___ No ___

When your boss is in a bad mood, do you avoid contact by hiding behind your work?
Yes ___ No ___

In meetings, are you the quiet listener who secretly judges everyone?
Yes ___ No ___

Total Worker Bee “Yes” responses.________ CATEGORY 4: THE WORDSMITHS

Gifted communicators, this group of employees relates through the spoken and written word.

The Storyteller

This is a friendly, outgoing, chatty person who shares personal stories in order to connect with others. A Storyteller is the opposite of an Observer. Whereas the Observer sizes people up and then speaks, the Storyteller speaks in order to size people up: Are you listening? Do you care? Can you relate to what I am telling you? These individuals bond through conversation. For Storytellers, your ability to listen shows that you are available to their ideas.

A storytelling employee will expect the boss to be interested in his or her narratives. This person tests authority figures by sharing a personal account of something and seeing if they tune in. Once a Storyteller feels heard, he or she will gladly take on responsibilities.

Because Storytellers want to do the job right, they desire clear, detailed instructions. This is especially true when they take on new projects. They also need access to decision makers so that they can ask questions and give progress reports.

Storytellers don’t like to make mistakes. They are horrified when they discover a slipup of their own doing. They respond well to words of appreciation and acknowledgment.

DOES THIS TALE SOUND FAMILIAR? RESPOND TO THE FOLLOWING QUESTIONS TO SEE HOW MUCH OF A STORYTELLER YOU ARE.

When you meet a new boss, do you try to connect by telling a personal story about yourself?
Yes ___ No ___

Do you watch for the boss’s reaction to see if he or she is listening and receptive to you?
Yes ___ No ___

Do you secretly hope that your employer values your detailed accounting of events that occur both inside and outside of the office?
Yes ___ No ___

Are you happy to take on new responsibilities as long as you know exactly what is expected of you?
Yes ___ No ___

Are you good at mapping out projects and figuring out the details?
Yes ___ No ___

Do you perform best with a boss who is available to answer questions and willing to receive frequent progress reports?
Yes ___ No ___

If someone interrupts you while you’re recounting an experience, do you feel an urgent need to return and complete the story?
Yes ___ No ___

Do you feel hurt or insulted when someone doesn’t want to hear what you have to say or cuts you off?
Yes ___ No ___

Have you ever been reprimanded for talking too much?
Yes ___ No ___

Do you feel mortified when you make a mistake?
Yes ___ No ___

Total Storyteller “Yes” responses. _____

The Disarmer

Highly responsible, very independent, and very funny, these are the employees who are great at winning over the boss with their humor. Disarmers use words, gestures, and timing to make others laugh and to cut tension when it arises. They also have a knack for completing work assignments in an organized, efficient manner.

Disarmers are able to package and deliver information in a way that leads to minimal emotional distress. To temper their boss’s response, they emphasize the positive side of any difficulty. Disarmers often bring harmony to the workplace by filtering the boss’s bad moods. These employees don’t really see the hierarchy in a business setting. Everyone is equal in their eyes. As a result, they don’t like condescension or being spoken down to. Disarmers require mutual respect.

READ AND RESPOND TO THE FOLLOWING QUESTIONS TO SEE HOW DISARMING YOU ARE.

If you have a new boss, do you immediately check to see if he or she has a sense of humor?
Yes ___ No ___

Do you look for opportunities to disarm your boss with witty or funny remarks?
Yes ___ No ___

Do you work hard to create a positive, professional, can-do work environment?
Yes ___ No ___

Do you secretly try to maintain harmony by intercepting your boss’s bad moods?
Yes ___ No ___

Are you frequently given additional responsibilities because of your efficient and organized work style?
Yes ___ No ___

Do you ever feel pressured to maintain an upbeat, entertaining veneer at work?
Yes ___ No ____

Do you consider yourself to be an independent thinker and operator?
Yes ___ No ___

Are you generally unaffected by a person’s title or position in the company hierarchy?
Yes ___ No ___

If someone speaks to you in a condescending tone, do you see red?
Yes ___ No ___

Do you sometimes worry that you aren’t being taken seriously enough?
Yes ___ No ___

Total Disarmer “Yes” responses.________

CATEGORY 5: THE MELLOWS

These individuals have little interest in climbing the corporate ladder.

They’d prefer to do their job and go home.

The Coaster

These are the people who show others at work how to relax. They try to take everything in stride and do not take work home with them. For these individuals a job is a job. It should pay the bills; it should not cause undue stress.

Coasting employees see the boss as someone to befriend and win over. They consider it their job to make people (including the boss) feel good. They also see themselves as the voice of reason that encourages others not to work too hard.

Coasters attend all company parties. They are willing to organize activities to lift morale, such as fantasy football, lottery ticket sales, and bake sales. For them, personal needs come first—they have no problem taking time off from work to attend to family, friends, or health matters.

RESPOND TO THE FOLLOWING QUESTIONS TO FIND HOW YOU SCORE ON THE COASTER SCALE

If you have a new boss, do you try to impress this person with your relaxed, friendly attitude?
Yes ___ No ____

Do you work hard to charm your boss and win his or her friendship?
Yes ___ No ____

Do you secretly hope that your manager won’t pressure you or criticize you?
Yes ___ No ____

Do you like to work on small projects where you can control the pace?
Yes ___ No ____

Do you avoid taking on any additional responsibilities that will cut into your personal life?
Yes ___ No ____

Do you encourage your overworked colleagues to do less and relax more?
Yes ___ No ____

Do you welcome non-work-related office activities such as birthday parties, sports events, and company contests?
Yes ___ No ____

Do people in positions of authority often tell you that you’re not working to your full potential?
Yes ___ No ____

Do they ever ask you to take on more responsibilities and work harder?
Yes ___ No ____

Is that kind of feedback very stressful to you?
Yes ___ No ____

Total Coaster “Yes” responses.________ The Low Beamer

This individual approaches authority in a cautious, risk-averse manner.

He or she wants to stay off the radar and keep interactions friendly and neutral. These employees are usually intelligent, skilled, and capable, but something prevents them from giving 100 percent to their jobs.

Low Beamers need everything spelled out so that they do not have to risk making the wrong decision. They require explicit directions and want to know the correct protocol in any situation. They like to play by the rules.

Because they don’t like making mistakes, Low Beamers often find themselves waiting to be instructed. While other members of a work

team may seem busy and overwhelmed, a Low Beamer will put off tackling a project until he or she receives specific instructions. These employees perform best under attentive, detail-oriented managers.

HOW HIGH IS YOUR LOW BEAMER SCORE? RESPOND TO THESE QUESTIONS.

If you have a new boss, do you naturally sit back and wait for that person to approach you?
Yes ____ No ____

Do you look to your boss to define your job and lay out explicit expectations of you?
Yes ____ No _____

Do you secretly hope that your boss will dole out work in small, simple assignments where there is little room for error?
Yes ____ No ____

Do you steer clear of projects that appear challenging and demanding of your time?
Yes ____ No ____

If you are asked to take on additional responsibilities at work, do you first consider whether it is an appropriate request considering your job description?
Yes ____ No ____

Do you pride yourself on living a balanced life and protecting your time outside of the workplace?
Yes ____ No ____

Do you often feel that you could produce more if you were given better direction from those who supervise you?
Yes ____ No _____

Do you keep track of your company’s policies regarding work hours, attendance, benefits, vacation, because you want to protect your rights in these areas?
Yes ____ No ____

Have you ever been reprimanded for not giving 100 percent to your job?
Yes ____ No ____

Does the thought of making a mistake sometimes prevent you from taking action?
Yes ____ No ____

Total Low Beamer “Yes” responses. ______ TALLYING YOUR RESULTS

Congratulations! You’ve answered the yes/no questions for each of our ten authority profiles. It’s time to tabulate your scores. Go back to the bottom of each description and transfer your score on that page to the score grid that follows, then fill out the list of your top three authority profiles.

SCORES

Nurturer ______
Harmonizer ______
Star _______
Challenger ______
Observer ______
Worker Bee ______
Storyteller ______
Disarmer ______
Coaster ______
Low Beamer ______

My top three authority orientations:

1. __________________________________
2. __________________________________
3. __________________________________

Now that you know your top three orientations toward any authority figure, you can continue to develop your Boss Baggage Profile by taking the next step in the assessment.

The checklists that follow enumerate some of the expectations, needs, and fears that are typical for each of the ten profile types. Find the checklists for each of your top three profiles and check off the items you agree with.

If you scored high as a Nurturer, here’s a list of some potential expectations, needs, and fears that you may bring to your relationships with authority. Please check the items that match your experience.

EXPECTATIONS

___ I expect the boss to trust and confide in me.

___ I expect to feel needed by my boss.

___ I expect to be appreciated for my caring and thoughtfulness.

___ I expect acts of kindness to be valued in the workplace.

NEEDS

___ I need to be needed.

___ I need to be useful and helpful.

___ I need to be appreciated for my acts of kindness.

___ I need to establish caring connections with my boss and other members of the staff.

FEARS

___ I fear being found lacking.

___ I fear appearing cold or uncaring.

___ I fear not carrying my weight.

___ I fear not holding it together.

If you scored high as a Harmonizer, here’s a list of some potential expectations, needs, and fears that you may bring to your relationships with authority. Please check the items that match your experience.

EXPECTATIONS

___ I expect to get along with everyone.

___ I expect to be an important member of the boss’s team.

___ I expect to be entrusted with responsibility.

___ I expect to be appreciated as a bridge-builder.

___ I expect to exert a positive influence on my colleagues.

NEEDS

___ I need to get along with everyone.

___ I need to be liked.

___ I need to be appreciated for my efforts.

___ I need to be given the benefit of the doubt when a mistake is made.

___ I need to help people feel good about themselves and get along.

FEARS

___ I fear constant discord or infighting among staff.

___ I fear confrontation.

___ I fear seeing anyone in emotional pain.

___ I fear being perceived as difficult.

___ I fear disappointing the boss or other members of my work team.

If you scored high on the Star profile, here’s a list of some potential expectations, needs, and fears that you may bring to your relationships with authority. Please check the items that you agree with.

EXPECTATIONS

___ I expect to be given an audience with the boss.

___ I expect to receive opportunities to grow professionally.

___ I expect to receive constructive criticism and training.

___ I expect to be given clear direction.

___ I expect to work for someone who has a vision and communicates it.

NEEDS

___ I need to be able to shine.

___ I need to be given responsibility.

___ I need to be allowed to make decisions.

___ I need to feel important.

___ I need authority figures to value my skills, knowledge, and talent.

FEARS

___ I fear doing tasks that will never give me visibility.

___ I fear being held back.

___ I fear being micromanaged.

___ I fear being marginalized.

___ I fear not being respected.

If you scored high as a Challenger, here’s a list of some potential expectations, needs, and fears that you may bring to your relationships with authority. Please check the items that you agree with.

EXPECTATIONS

___ I expect that my boss wants to hear what I have to say.

___ I expect my boss to appreciate honest opinions.

___ I expect that my ability to think outside of the box will be valued.

___ I expect my boss to prove him- or herself worthy of respect.

___ I expect that irreverence has a place in the workplace.

NEEDS

___ I need to be heard.

___ I need to be allowed to try new things.

___ I need to think outside of the box.

___ I need to be told “You were right” as often as possible.

FEARS

___ I fear not being heard.

___ I fear being marginalized.

___ I fear being taken lightly.

___ I fear being labeled a troublemaker.

If you scored high as an Observer, here’s a list of some potential expectations, needs, and fears that you may bring to your relation- ships with authority. Please check the items that correspond with your experience.

EXPECTATIONS

___ I expect to be given time to process people, places, and information.

___ I expect my boss to prove him- or herself worthy of my respect.

___ I expect to be seen and appreciated for my efforts.

___ I expect to be heard when I have something to say.

___ I expect to be trusted to do a good job.

NEEDS

___ I need to be given time to assess a situation before taking action.

___ I need to be left alone until I’m ready to perform.

___ I need to be given time to prepare for any meeting or presentation.

___ I need to be judged on the final results of my efforts rather than the process by which I do things.

___ I need to have my opinions and experiences respected by others.

FEARS

___ I fear being pressured to perform before I am ready.

___ I fear being unfairly judged or criticized.

___ I fear being brushed aside or devalued.

___ I fear being overshadowed by flashy people who play politics.

___ I fear being caught off guard.

If you scored high as a Worker Bee, here’s a list of some potential expectations, needs, and fears that you may bring to your relationships with authority. Please check the items that match your experience.

EXPECTATIONS

___ I expect to be given responsibility.

___ I expect to be trusted to do a good job without being micromanaged.

___ I expect to be respected and appreciated for my efforts.

___ I expect to do my job quietly and be left alone.

___ I expect to develop specific areas of expertise.

NEEDS

___ I need a certain level of independence on the job.

___ I need a certain amount of positive feedback.

___ I need to be given instructions and left to accomplish the tasks on my own.

___ I need to be trusted for my sound judgment.

___ I need to be appreciated for my knowledge and expertise, not second-guessed.

FEARS

___ I fear being ridiculed.

___ I fear being mistrusted.

___ I fear being rejected.

___ I fear having to defend myself.

___ I fear having to deal with anyone else’s anger.

If you scored high as a Storyteller, here’s a list of some potential expectations, needs, and fears that you may bring to your relation- ships with authority. Please check the items that correspond with your experience.

EXPECTATIONS

___ I expect that the boss wants to hear my personal account of events.

___ I expect that my attention to detail is important and will be appreciated.

___ I expect that my efforts will be noticed and acknowledged.

___ I expect that any new responsibility will come with instructions.

NEEDS

___ I need to be listened to.

___ I need to hold other people’s attention.

___ I need to have my experiences acknowledged.

___ I need to be appreciated for my thoroughness.

FEARS

___ I fear being misunderstood.

___ I fear not being heard.

___ I fear being unfairly criticized.

___ I fear being ostracized.

___ I fear being perceived as incompetent.

If you scored high as a Disarmer, here’s a list of some potential expectations, needs, and fears that you may bring to your relationships with authority. Please check the items that correspond with your experience.

EXPECTATIONS

___ I expect to win the boss over with humor.

___ I expect to be trusted to do my job well.

___ I expect to get along with my colleagues and be successful on the job.

___ I expect to be left alone to do my job.

NEEDS

___ I need to be treated with respect.

___ I need to have my sense of humor appreciated (my boss laughs at my jokes).

___ I need to be given clear directions and the authority to accomplish the task.

___ I need to be taken seriously when I have something important to say.

FEARS

___ I fear not being respected.

___ I fear being talked down to.

___ I fear not being taken seriously.

___ I fear not being heard.

___ I fear appearing foolish or incompetent.

If you scored high on the Coaster profile, here’s a list of some potential expectations, needs, and fears that you may bring to your relationships with authority. Please check the items with which you agree.

EXPECTATIONS

___ I expect to charm my boss.

___ I expect to avoid stressful work assignments.

___ I expect to be valued for living a balanced life.

___ I expect work to be a necessary activity that shouldn’t be taken too seriously.

NEEDS

___ I need to be liked.

___ I need to be praised and acknowledged.

___ I need to have low stress (a light workload).

___ I need to have low expectations placed on me.

FEARS

___ I fear failing in a high-pressure environment.

___ I fear looking foolish or stupid.

___ I fear high stress or pressure to perform.

___ I fear being ridiculed.

If you scored high on the Low Beamer profile, here’s a list of some potential expectations, needs, and fears that you may bring to your relationships with authority. Please check the items that you identify with.

EXPECTATIONS

___ I expect to have a clearly defined job.

___ I expect the company to have well-defined policies and procedures.

___ I expect to be handed work assignments with explicit instructions.

___ I expect my boss to communicate clearly his or her expectations of me.

___ I expect to have a full life outside of work.

NEEDS

___ I need clear, detailed instructions from the people who supervise my work.

___ I need to minimize the chances of bringing negative attention to myself.

___ I need to avoid taking on responsibilities in areas with which I am not familiar.

___ I need to have a balanced life—no overtime or working extra hours at home.

FEARS

___ I fear making mistakes.

___ I fear making the wrong decision.

___ I fear being given assignments without clear directions.

___ I fear being asked to do things I don’t know how to

PUTTING IT ALL TOGETHER

Now you can discover your full Boss Baggage Profile. First, list your top three profiles. (Remember, it’s okay if you have a tie score among the profiles. Some people have more than three orientations toward authority. For example, you may score equally high as both Harmonizer and Storyteller. If that’s the case, you can list the two on the same line.)

My top three authority orientations:

1.__________________________________
2.__________________________________
3.__________________________________

Next, go over the expectations that you identified in the checklists above and pull out the top five.

1. __________________________________
2. __________________________________
3. __________________________________
4. __________________________________
5. __________________________________